When I was in seventh grade, some of my teachers put together a Europe trip for students that covered something like eight countries in twelve days (though why anyone would want to take a gaggle of twelve- and thirteen-year olds anywhere is beyond me). I, being me, was dying to go. My parents, being logical (does that work with a preteen?) told me no, such a hectic schedule wouldn’t actually let me see anything. Within a few years I realized they were right, and have for a while considered tour groups to be not much more than an extended, over-priced bus trip.

Yet I paid 48,000 won (roughly 45 USD) to join a guesthouse-run all-day tour, mostly because I wanted to meet people. Worst-case scenario, I spent $45 to sit on a bus with a bunch of strangers. Well, I mean, worst-case scenario we get kidnapped by a Korean guerilla faction and held hostage until Bill Clinton, or at least Jon Gosselin, triumphantly frees us. But that’s not really worst-case ‘cause that would make a ragin’ book deal.

At 8:30 that morning, I found myself waiting for the tour with a graying, keep-to-themselves Welsh couple and their grown daughter, two Korean women, and a young man and woman speaking Chinese to each other. So I took a deep breath and jumped into the Chinese conversation with a little 你们是哪里的？ Obviously, they were a little surprised, but very receptive.

The woman, Weiqiao, is from Taiwan but is a Chinese teacher at a college just south of Seoul. She told me her Korean students’ Chinese is so poor that she has to use English to give them instructions. She’s only in her late twenties but could easily pass for ten years younger.

The man is from Shanghai, and he too had just met Weiqiao. After he introduced himself, I could only remember two-thirds of his name: his last name, Xu, and the first character of his given name, Xu. Both Weiqiao and I forgot his third name, so I avoided using his name to his face and then referred to him as Xuxu when speaking to Weiqiao. She found this very amusing.

Our first stop was a tea farm. It wasn’t really interesting. There were some tea bushes and over-priced tea products for sale. After a whopping thirty minutes, we bused on over to Hallim Park, a huge botanical garden/nature park on the west coast of the island. We were given just enough time for a brisk walk-through of most of the enormous park before we were to meet at the restaurant for lunch.

There were sections for fruits, like pineapple.

Xuxu was very surprised to learn that pineapples grow from the ground. When I went to Costa Rica at 16, there were expansive fields of pineapple that we could smell driving by inside our bus. I hadn’t expected that pineapples grew on trees, but I was still surprised to learn they grow in the ground.

But anyway—Korea: Cacti: just like being back home, Korean love-etchings and all.

And flora and fauna.

There were some caves as well—lava tubes. Since Jeju is a volcanic island, there are numerous lava tubes and volcanic craters and funky rock formations.

And bonsai trees and rocks.

There was also a ‘minority village,’ decorated with gourds dangling from everywhere or arranged in any free space.

Because nothing says ‘minority’ like a few pumpkins, am I right? So…native. Now dress them up in traditional dress and you’ve got yourself a niche museum.

We tore through the park to make lunch on time. Bibimbap:

Kimchi, of course, and very fishy dried little fish, sardines I believe:

After lunch, Weiqiao told me that lunch had been the first time she had ever stirred her own bibimbap. Apparently, the waiters at a restaurant do it for you, and if they don’t, the male you’re with (because ladies, aren’t you always accompanied by a male?) is traditionally supposed to do it. She didn’t mind stirring her own bibimbap, but was too embarrassed to tell Xuxu this rule.

It seems I started liking chocolate just in time—Jeju has a special chocolate which comes with a variety of fillings: green tea, pineapple, cactus (as in prickly pear fruit), or orange, as Jeju is famous for its oranges and tangerines.

I bought a few boxes to eat on the bus. And then a few more to give as gifts. And later, a few more to give as gifts because I wanted to keep the previous gifts for myself.

I’m a giver, like that.

We bopped promptly over to Hyopjae Beach, which is widely regarded to be the island’s prettiest beach.

I can’t imagine why.

Unfortunately, the tour only allowed us twenty minutes at Hyopjae. Twenty minutes? The beach isn’t some high-priced lawyer billing us in six-minute installments—time is not of the essence.

But we couldn’t keep the Jusangjeoli Rocks waiting.

This was all there was to see.

There was literally one observation deck. And the tour had scheduled forty minutes for this observation deck. Even I can’t spend forty minutes taking pictures of this—lava formations have fewer looks than Zoolander.

When we arrived at Yakcheonsa Temple, our tour guide Mickey gave us some ice cream bars. I had just eaten a box of chocolate, but hey, gotta keep that blood sugar up for all that napping on the bus, right?

The water in this fountain is repudiated to provide the drinker with perfect health. Does it eliminate calories from chocolate and ice cream?

We know how I love Buddhist temples. Mmmmm…

The bus then hustled us over to Jeongbang Pokpo waterfall, which has the noble distinction of being one of the three waterfalls on Jeju Island that falls directly into the sea.

It was pretty. For about ten minutes.

And then there was nothing else to see. Weiqiao and I longed for the beach. I busied myself with more chocolate. I drank the water at the temple—no worries!

Thusly our tour concluded, but should you desire, the bus could drop you off at the Teddy Bear Museum. I did not want to go, but Weiqiao and two other Chinese with whom I’d become friendly did (I am ashamed to admit that I forgot the names of the man and woman. Let’s call them Katherine and Spencer, just for fun). So I agreed to go with them if they all agreed to a big dinner together.

I drank the temple water—no worries!

The Teddy Bear Museum. I mentally composed a scathing blog post as I soaked up the Teddy Bear interpretations of the Titanic, Charlie Chaplin, the Korean War, the Terra Cotta Warriors, Louis Vuitton, Eliza Doolittle

Diana and Charles

Rodin (what is this, Loveland?)

Gandhi

And of course, the Sistine Chapel.

I took twenty pictures before I became thoroughly nauseated. Teddy Bears?! I paid 7,000 won for this? And there were people taking pictures of every single display. Dressed up teddy Bears behind glass cases cease to be interesting after about thirty seconds. I felt so ashamed to be there.

The museum was mercifully brief, and my companions were almost as bored with it as I was, so we took an hour-long taxi ride back up to Jeju city. Thankfully, Spencer speaks functional Korean, so he managed to tell our driver to take us to a good local joint for dinner. When the driver dropped us off at the restaurant, he came in with us, conferred with the staff, and helped us examine the menu.

Luckily, Spencer is also a total foodie, so he chose well and abundantly. And soon our table was under Kimchi Seige.

The last one was my favorite, some cabbage topped with mayo and ketchup. Asian mayo is not the same as Western ketchup. It’s way more umami. Oooooh, mommy! Good.

First up was some black pork on this hot skillet.

Black pork is a local specialty. You probably don’t want to know why it’s called “black” pork, but I’ll tell you: because the pigs are fed only human feces.

I told you you didn’t want to know!

Soon thereafter, octopus, greens, and mushrooms were added atop the pork.

You know you’ve hit the dinner companion jackpot when everyone pulls out a camera.

While all that cooked and burbled away, the waitress managed to fit on our already crowded table this stunning spicy seafood stew.

Beneath those tentacles were all sorts of mussels and clams and shrimp and sea-dwelling delicacies.

Food definitely tastes better in the company of good people. That was my best meal on Jeju so far, and the next day was my last full one on the island. And the Fates went and saved the best for last.

I love it when that happens.

Tags: Jeju, Kimchi, Korea, mysterious ingredients, Parks, pork, temples, travel