amuse bouche, huzhou, tidbits

Crime and Punishment: The Street Corner Nutritionist

06.09.09 | 6 Comments

Common Poor Eating Habits
1. Eating too much [Are you me? If yes, enter guilty plea to avoid expense of trial]
2. Eating too much MSG [Do you live in China? If yes, guilty.]
3. Getting together and sharing food (like having big parties and getting a lot of food) [Do you live in China? If yes, guilty.]
4. Eating lots of animal inner organs [This seems hypocritical, as Chinese Medicine stipulates that one should eat what ails him. Bad lungs? Eat lung. Bad skin? Eat skin? Feeling stupid? I bet you can figure out what you should eat. But! Law is law. Are you Chinese? Probably guilty.]
5.Preparing too many fried foods (and eating them, presumably). [This one is actually avoidable.]
6. Eating lots of preserved/pickled foods. [Avoidable.]
7. Eating lots of foods stewed in gravy. [Translator's note: not exactly sure how that last character translates.] [Also fairly avoidable, but perhaps not desirable. Off with a warning (.5)]


If you are Chinese, you are automatically guilty on 3.5 counts. If you are a foreigner living in China, you are automatically guilty on 3.5 counts. If you are ellis in China, you are guilty on 4.5 counts.


If you’re Chinese or living in China, you can expect to lose 5-10 years of your life. If you are ellis in China, you’re facing a life sentence and you would have gotten the death penalty yesterday if it weren’t for your aversion to pickled foods.




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